Around two years ago I went to my first ever music festival with the sole purpose of seeing one of my favorite bands Anberlin. In that post, I stated that I was never interested in going to music festivals because whenever I went to a concert it was to see some of my favorite musicians instead of doing something trendy. But this past weekend I was very lucky and went to the third annual Self Help Fest in San Bernardino, CA on March 19, 2016 to see my favorite band of all time A Day to Remember.

Even thought I say a lot of bands are my favorite, A Day to Remember really is. I have been listening to this band for almost 10 years now. I started listening to them when I was 13 years old. At the time this type of music was cool as well as the whole emo scene. Even though I don't have side swept bangs and wear all black anymore, I continued to listen to their music because it resonates with me a lot. When I was 13 the music was genuinely helping me and my teenage problems. Now I still find a lot of help and reassurance, which is why I think I've continued to listen to them.

The only thing is, A Day to Remember is the band I've been listening to the longest, but a band that I had never seen live. So when my friend said she was going to Self Help Fest to see A Day to Remember, right away I kind of begged her to let me come with her. I had never been to Self Help Fest before and didn't even know what it was. To be honest I thought it would be like Warped Tour. After going I can say it is nothing like Warped Tour, it is better!

Since me and my friends were pretty much only going to see A Day to Remember we got to the festival pretty late. Self Help started at 1:30 p.m., we didn't get there till 5:00 p.m.  When we got there the first thing we did was go get some refreshments.

You think you know who are, but you don't know who you are. This might not make sense, but if you've read Oedipus Rex you'll know what I"m talking about. I thought I knew who I was my whole life, but I really had no idea.

A couple of months ago, I wrote a post stating that this summer I wanted to go to Mexico to see where my family comes from and get a better sense of who I am.  I'm very happy to say that I accomplished my goal. During the past months of August and September, I flew to Mexico and spent a total of three weeks there.

I'm not going to lie, I forgot how it felt to travel. Before my trip I kept telling friends, "Yea, I'm going to Mexico this summer." I was very nonchalant about it, until I actually had to go. The night before I left, I kept thinking to myself, "this is it, I'm actually going." Getting dropped off at the airport by my parents, being alone at the airport, with the adrenaline of going to a new place was a familiar feeling that I'd forgotten. I was scared and a little nervous. This wasn't like my study abroad trip where everything was planned. I was going somewhere new where I didn't know what would happen when I got off the plane.  I wasn't going to a resort in Cancun or Cabo San Lucas like many Americans do. I was going to a part of Mexico that wasn't a tourist destination.

I didn't know what to expect when I landed. To be honest, I thought Mexico would be a lot like the U.S. I've only been in first world countries, so naturally I thought Mexico would be a lot like what I've seen. I was wrong. From the view of the plane, Mexico City seemed like Los Angeles. A city that went on for miles with huge skyscrapers in the middle, revealing a metropolitan scene I was all too familiar with. But as the plane slowly descended, I immediately saw the differences. Houses were right next to each other like you would see in San Francisco. With many cars on the road, houses stacked one on top of the other, and the area looking dirty, the city looked like nothing I was used to.

When I arrived to Mexico City, I was picked up by my two aunts, Laura and Luz. I had never spoken to them in my entire life. They were family, but at the same time they were strangers. We didn't explore anything in Mexico City, and straight from the airport we took a taxi to the bus station to catch a bus that was suppose to take us three hours south to where they lived. Mexico City and Mexico in general is a pretty dangerous place. My aunts didn't want people to know that I was from the U.S. because of the fear that they would try to rob us. They wanted me on the bus right away and didn't let me out of their sight. I've never been in an area where I didn't feel safe - I live in Irvine -  until now.

I am the kind of person that goes with the flow. I never plan anything, especially when I go on trips. Even after being exposed to all these cultural changes, I wanted to do everything I possible could in Mexico. I knew I just had to keep an open mind.

The bus we got on was the equivalent to a Greyhound. This is the method many people in Mexico take to go long distances. Many people ended up falling asleep, as the trip was nothing new to them, but I wanted to see a new place that for a long part of my life I never wanted to see. What I saw was something that I would have never expected.


I saw hills that seemed to go on forever filled with trees, and so many plants that for a second I thought I was back in New Zealand, seeing the wild bush again. This might not seem like a big deal, but in my post I wrote that I thought Mexico was a desert filled with cactus. I was so wrong. I saw that it was greener than California. I've always been attracted to nature and trees. I find this more beautiful than a city with impressive architecture. For me to see this was important. I realized that Mexico had a lot to offer and is much more than the stereotype everyone associates it with.

After the bus ride, we arrived in Iguala De La Independencia in the state of Guerrero. To many people, this small city in Southern Mexico, where tourist don't travel too seems insignificant. For me, it isn't. This was the city that my mother grew up in. And if my life didn't turn out the way it did, it would have been where I grew up as well. Iguala is the third largest city in Guerrero and the birthplace of the first Mexican flag.


The first place I went to was my grandmothers house. This was the house my mother grew up in until she moved to California. I don't know why, but I was expecting it to look like any house in California. I was wrong. The houses over there aren't like the ones we're used to. Many people are poor and live off what they can. My family isn't poor, they're comfortable, but from our American perspective we'd see them as poor. The way my grandmothers house is there is a living room and the kitchen is outside in the open. There is only one room. In that room is where my mother, her two sisters, and her parents lived. The houses are small in comparison to ones in the states. There is no carpet, hardwood floors, or tile, there is only cement. There is no running water. When you shower you have to gather water in a bucket and pour it on your head. When you go toilet, you need to pour a bucket of water into the toilet to make it flush. In order to have water, they need to collect it in buckets from one faucet in the whole house or collect rain water. Small things like running water really shows how much we take luxuries for granted.

I'm not going to lie, when I saw my grandmother I got emotional. The last time I saw her I was four years old. We occasionally talked a little on the phone, but we never said much. I hadn't seen her in years, and she was basically a stranger. Yet I felt this deep fond connection to her. When I got there she was very sick. She had cancer and had spent a month before in the hospital having surgery. I've never taken the time to come see her, and when I finally did she was so ill. She said she wanted to get better because I was coming to see her. In that moment, I was extremely glad I went.

Although I spent my first night there at my grandmothers house, I actually lived at my aunt Laura's house. Her house was the most modern out of the places I could have stayed. She had running water and tiled floor. She also had three dogs, one of them is named Candy and I love her she's my favorite.

During my three weeks, I ended up traveling all over the state to some really beautiful areas.

Taxco

Grutas de Cacahuamilpa

Acapulco

Iguala

When I wasn't in one of these amazing places. I spent my time in Iguala, living like a local. I spent a lot of time with my family. I'd go to the marketplace with my aunt Laura and go eat goat tacos for breakfast. I ended up eating a lot of good food. Mexican food is so good, but so bad for you. The people over there eat meat for every single meal and hardly eat vegetables. I'm used to eating pretty healthy, so I really wasn't used to eating so badly. Also I found some food had a lot of excess sugar. For churros, they would add condensed milk or caramel over them. My family also drank a lot of Coke. I don't drink soda so they were really admired that all I wanted was water. 

I would go to my grandmothers house and spend time with her. I wanted to spend as much time with her as possible since she was sick. She slept most of the time. But when she wasn't asleep, I would just spend time with her. She actually made me one of my favorite foods: mole verde. It was the best one I have ever had. Everyone always talked about how good my grandmother cooked, they were right. 

I also spent a lot of time with my niece and nephew: Mario and Daniela. I would go to Mario's soccer games and me and Daniela would spend a lot of time playing Uno together. I never thought that I could love kids that weren't my own. But they proved me wrong. I love those kids so much. 

The Mexican flag is very important to Iguala, since the first flag was made there. My family made an afternoon trip and took me to the Mexican flag overlooking the city. It was huge and one of the largest flags in the world.  It was nice to have the family up there and teach me something about their country and where the town. 

Honestly, I let myself be me. I didn't wear makeup at all when I was in Mexico. One of the differences I noticed was that people there are more confident with who they are. In the U.S. our country is based on images. We're told to look a certain way and to feel bad about ourselves when we don't. But over there you are who you are. I adopted that philosophy as well. I didn't wear makeup and didn't straighten my hair. In the process, I became very confident and comfortable in my own skin.

On my last day there, my aunt threw me and my grandmother a birthday party because we were both born on the same day, but I would be leaving earlier because of school. We bought one of my favorite cakes and had Mexican hot chocolate. It was the perfect way to spend my last day there. My grandmother looked very happy and I was sad to know that I was leaving her.

I truly love Iguala, my motherland. It's really sad what recently happened there after I came back home. But what happened does not reflect the city. If anything, I hope things calm down because my family lives there and I want them to be safe. I also want to be able to go back and not have to worry about being in danger.


At the end of this trip, I feel more grateful for the things I have, and makes me more appreciative of the sacrifices my mom had to make in order for me and my sister to have a better life than her. I have a better sense of belonging. My whole life I never had a big family, it was always just my parents and sister. Now I'm an aunt, a granddaughter, a niece, and a cousin. People that I have never met before welcomed me and loved me, and I loved them. I am Mexican-American, and I'm very proud to say that. I'm very proud of where my family comes from. This summer has completely changed my life the most positive way possible. My grandmother actually passed away in November. I'm very happy that I went to go see and meet her before it was too late. For that I am eternally grateful. I'm so happy that I went on this trip and am excited to go back soon. I had no idea who I was until this trip. Even though I am more American than anything, I am very proud of the Mexican blood running through my veins.

For all the Mexican Americans like me who aren't interested in going to Mexico, I strongly encourage you to go and learn about your family's history and culture. Even if you aren't Mexican, going to your motherland is such an important experience to have. It is truly a spiritual and heart warming experience. I don't regret at all going, the only thing I regret is that I didn't do it sooner.

Since I've started this blog, I've found myself on this unexpected journey when it comes to Anberlin. From merely starting off writing that I've discovered a great band, to seeing them live and meeting them at Warped Tour, to reviewing their final album, I've now found myself at the end of this journey. Last night, I saw Anberlin for the last time on The Final Tour at the House of Blues in Anaheim.

I knew this day was coming for a long time. Knowing that, I have been eagerly waiting for the day where I can say, "Yeah I saw Anberlin on their Final Tour." I knew it'd be amazing and a night I will never forget. I was right. My final Anberlin show did not disappoint.

I've been to the House of Blues in Anaheim before. As a venue I like it as it's pretty small and intimate. I can see why Anberlin chose this place. It allowed them to really connect with their audience on such an important night. I prefer these types of venues in comparison to arenas because you get pretty close to the band and are able to meet people who are also there for the same reason you are.

I was expecting Anberlin to play songs from Lowborn, since most bands perform songs from their most recent albums. But I was surprised to find that nothing from Lowborn was played. Instead the night consisted of their most popular songs from their prior six albums.

The night started off with "Never Take Friendship Personal", getting everyone upbeat and excited for the rest of the night. They ended up playing 21 songs: "We Owe This to Ourselves", Paperthin Hymn", "Self-Starter", "Readyfuels", "Someone Anyone", "Other Side", "(The Symphony of ) Blasé", Take Me (As You Found Me)", "The Unwinding Cable Car", "The Haunting", "Modern Age", "Breaking", "Impossible", "Time & Confusion", "A Day Late", "Hello Alone", "Dismantle.Repair",  "The Resistance", "Godspeed", and "Feel Good Drag."

The order of the setlist was perfect. It created a good variation of fast good feeling songs that made you happy to be there, to more calm and mellow songs that made you appreciate how talented Anberlin is.

"12 years. We could not be more excited for you guys to be singing along and dancing along with us. Thank you guys very much. Thanks to all our friends and family for being with us tonight." - Stephen Christian

"(The Symphony of) Blasé" got to me. With lyrics like, "This is our last goodnight. Say what you will. Say all that you can. This is our last goodbye," you can't help but think this night is their last goodbye. My favorite song of the night was "The Unwinding Cable Car."Apart from being one of my favorite songs, it's one of the first songs I listened to from Anberlin. Listening to this song so many times on my computer, I couldn't believe I was hearing it live. Christian has amazing vocals and you can see how much passion he has from this performance.  The songs lyrics are wonderful that they touch your soul.  Playing favorite songs made mine and the audiences night more enjoyable. As we were able to sing out to our favorite songs while fist pumping, jumping, and dancing.

"I think if we could leave anything for you guys it would be to inspire you to do and dream and think bigger than you ever thought possible...You never know, you just never know. When you guys follow your dreams, this life is amazing so keep going. Joey, me and Dion all come from the same city. 27 thousand of little nothing town. So if we can make it, you can make it. " - 

Stephen Christian. 

When Anberlin came back on stage for their encore performance, I knew what was happening. This was it. It's the final song, and the night was ending. "*Fin" is a very calm song. With soft guitar and  opening, and finishes off with a faster pace, harmonic vocals, and harder drums. It was the perfect song to end the night with. Stephen Christian at the end of "*Fin" started saying, "We'll live forever, forever, forever." These are lyrics to "Harbinger", the last song on Lowborn. When I heard this, I was about to cry. All these years ended with this moment.

Christian was right, they are going to live forever. Because although Anberlin as a band won't be together, they live. They live in the hearts of all the fans they've touched throughout these 12 years. They will always carry a special place in my heart and will always be my favorite band. Last night was one of the best nights of my life. Anberlin will live forever.

Nothing last forever is something I've learned at an early age. So it's no surprise that Anberlin announced earlier this year that in 2014 they will produce their final album and tour for the last time after being together for the past 12 years. From their first album, Blueprint for the Black Market, Anberlin made a name for themselves, continuing to make music and producing phenomenal albums like: Never Take Friendship Personal, Cities, New Surrender, Dark Is the Way, Light Is a Place, and Vital. Their last album Lowborn was released today after being pushed back a month from the original release date of June 23, 2014. Was it worth waiting an extra month for this album? The answer is yes.

To say Anberlin saved their best album for last is an understatement. Having listened to this album three times today, I can honestly say that listening to this is an experience in of itself. Having loved this band for a while, I knew this was going to be a great album. But I never thought it would be this amazing. As I went about my day, listening to this album any chance I had, I not only listened to Lowborn, but I was also listening to their six prior albums. It was as if these past 12 years had all accumulated to this moment. Anberlin was able to capture their different styles, growth, and creativity from the past 12 years beautifully to produce their legacy.

"It's kind of like our final statement and goodbye in a way of everything the band has become and where we are as people creatively at this point. Or at least we tried to make it that." - Deon Rexroat.

The album consists of ten songs: "We Are Destroyer", "Armageddon", "Stranger Ways", "Velvet Covered Brick", "Atonement", "Birds of Prey", "Dissenter", "Losing It All", "Hearing Voices", and "Harbinger". Even though I can say I like them all, there are some songs that stand out in comparison to others.

"We Are Destroyer" is the typical Anberlin opening song. It has those piercing vocals Stephen Christian executes flawlessly. With it's mix of techno and heavy rock sound, there's more to this song than you hear initially. This song sets up the whole album as you notice the different sounds, moods, and tempos that will parallel the album. "Armageddon" is quite strange to listen to after "We Are Destroyer", it has a much slower, atmospheric tempo. As the song progresses, it slowly picks up to a faster pace, but continues to maintain that atmospheric tempo. "Stranger Ways", is one of the better songs on the album and not only because it was the bands latest music video, but it shows the band addressing their "fans" on this goodbye. Starting off with a slow piano, smooth drums by Nate Young, and haunting lyrics, the song is catchy and gives off a good vibe even when singing of a sad topic.

"Velvet Covered Brick" is one of my favorite songs on the album. With the heavy guitars from Joey Milligan and Christian McAlhaney, hard hitting drums, and low singing, this song is sure to get you in a good mood. It reminds me a lot of "There Is No Mathematics to Love and Loss" which is one of my favorite songs from Anberlin. "Atonement", the song that pulls at your heart strings when you think about this being Anberlins last album. Here Stephen Christian gives his personal reasons why Anberlin is breaking up. He mentions, "I've see faces I may never see again, I've been places I never could have dreamt". Although a sad topic, the song is uplifting with it's mellow tempo that is very similar to "Unwinding Cable Car". It might even be better. It is freaking amazing! "Birds of Prey", although more of an electronic feel to the rest of the album, the chorus is catchy and you'll remember it, "regret is nothing more than a lovers disease". It also shows how even though it's their last album, they're still able to get creative and make something different despite what your fans are used to and want.

"Dissenter" is the song I like the least out of all of them. The heavy vocals in the beginning seem forced and it's just screaming instead of singing. It's too heavy in comparison to "We Are Destroyer" and "Velvet Covered Brick". "Losing It All", is my favorite song on this album hands down. It's has a catchy beat like "Atonement", but better due to being more fast paced. Unlike "Atonement", this song is more positive and looks on the bright side to their situation."It's not losing it all if we have each other, in the end its all that matters." They're right. Have we really lost Anberlin? Yes and no. "Hearing Voices", another great song with Christians piercing vocals, amazing drum work from Young, memorable lyrics, with a great chorus. If you were to define Anberlin by the type of style they have, this song is all their styles put into one. "Harbinger", the final song that wraps up the whole album. Knowing this is the last song ever, the tempo gives a calming feeling that leaves you feeling content. With lyrics like "You will remember me", and "We'll live forever", it makes a sad situation positive. The song is the perfect way to wrap up 12 years of Anberlin. With amazing music that touched so many people, including myself, "Harbinger" reminds us of that Anberlin will always be there.

"So the last line on the record is, “We’ll live forever.” People we meet out here in autograph lines or whatever say, “We’ll miss you.” But I always say to them, “We’re not actually leaving. You can always listen to the music.” I think that’s what it’s all about. We are gonna live forever in these people’s lives." - Stephen Christian. 

Am I sad that this is the last album this amazing band will produce? Yes, yes I am. Every time I listen to this album, I can't believe that music this phenomenal is made. I have yet to find a band like Anberlin, that will leave me with this feeling of awe every time I finish listening to a song. But theres a beauty to this. As I've listened to all of their albums, I'm on a journey I can't explain. I've seen this band grow and seen how their music has progressed. To be able to say that I and every other fan has been with them on this journey is a privilege. They will certainly live forever  in my life. I now look forward to seeing them live on October 10th in Anaheim. I know it will be a night to remember, just like this album.

Although I've been to plenty of concert's in my life, I have never gone to a music festival. When I went to shows, it was to see some of my favorite bands like Panic! at the Disco, Black Veil Brides, Alesana, Dance Gavin Dance, and Jonny Craig. I didn't go because it was trendy, I went to enjoy the music. Therefore, music festivals were never something that I had wanted to go to before because it seemed like a lot of people were doing it for the hype. But yesterday, I had the privilege of going to my first music festival, Vans Warped Tour in Pomona. It was honestly one of the greatest things I've been to and an amazing experience.

After coming back from a semester abroad, I've realized that I'm not the same person I was before I left.

Prior to leaving I was a shy girl who had a hard time having a normal conversation with people. I felt that I had to look the way society wanted me to look. When I became 18, I started becoming obsessed with makeup. It was something I felt that I needed to wear because I wanted to look "beautiful". Although I do not want to admit it, I was seeking male attention. Growing up, a lot of the boys didn't like me. I was never considered pretty to them so when I started college I wanted attention, the kind of attention I never had before.

Because of that, I did stuff my first year of college that I am not proud of. I hurt someone who cared so much about me and I pretended it didn't happen. So when I finally started caring about someone they did what I had done. I felt that it was karma, that I was being punished for what I had done. I wanted to forget about it and act like nothing had ever happened. So when I tried to do different things that would distract me I decided to study abroad. And to be honest it was the best decision that I have ever made.

Being abroad has really allowed me to discover who I really am. When I was first there I'm not going to lie I hated it. I wanted to go back home and be in an environment that was familiar to me. I wanted to be surrounded by the friends that I already had and be back with the guy I thought I was in love with. But that was me before, ignorant of what the world had to offer and what I could learn from it.

Being away made me realize a lot of things I never would have. I discovered a love for traveling. I wanted to see things that I could never see at home. I became more social and started having conversations with people at hostels like I had known them my whole life. I started being less shy and just realized that people will like talking to you if you're yourself.

Another thing I realized was how important our environment really is. Having lived in a college town for the past two years I thought that all towns should look like this. I thought it was normal for concrete to be everywhere. But I realized that is so wrong. The way we live is not normal. We should be able to go outside and walk on a trail to get somewhere else and see animals in their natural habitat. We should be able to see large areas of field and get a desire to be outside. I loved being outdoors and it was something I wanted to do.

But the most important thing I got out of my experience was that I realized my self worth and that I am beautiful. Being away made me see that I didn't need to put up with all the hurt I had the year prior to going abroad. I made a big decision and I broke up with my boyfriend, the person who caused me so much hurt and suffering my second year of college.  That was something that needed to happen but might not have if I had stayed home. I realized that I didn't need attention from guys because I honestly don't need it. Especially if it isn't worth it.

Although he might not know this, but my boyfriend abroad made me see how beautiful I really am. At the time I thought i couldn't live up to an image I thought was beautiful because I didn't look like the girls in the media. I didn't see why he thought i was beautiful because I didn't see anything extraordinary in the way I looked. But he was right, beauty is more than skin deep. I'm beautiful in my own way and I do not need to conform to how society tells me I should be. Because of this i stopped my old habits, I stopped straightening my hair everyday, I stopped wearing much makeup and I appreciate myself more. I am forever grateful to have had him in my life.

I realize who I am now. A girl who is comfortable with herself, who realizes she is beautiful in her own way. Someone who isn't afraid to take risks and be in an uncomfortable environment. Someone who realizes her self worth and won't put up with being with someone who thinks otherwise. Someone who realizes her mistakes and won't run away and won't hurt people. And all of this I have to thank studying abroad. It changed my life in the most positive way possible. I now have to take all these changes and use them to bring out positive changes not only in myself but in others.  It was a privilege to have had this experience and it's something I will always be grateful for.