Saddest Day

Friday, February 14, 2014

It may seem like the end of the world right now, but it's not. This is just a small part of it. Just walk with all the confidence in the world and the right person will gravitate towards you.

This is what I need to tell myself every single day from now because right now it does seem like the end of the world for me. Yesterday, I lost my best friend and boyfriend. This was something I never thought would happen; I really thought he was my forever guy. We had made plans to be together and I was going to change my whole life for him and move back to New Zealand permanently. And he told me the same thing, that I was the love of his life and that we had a future together. Now that we're not together I realized that I'm never going back to New Zealand, I'm never going to see him and his family again, and I'm going to be home forever.

What most upsets me is that we aren't going to be friends anymore. We got along so well and we had so much in common. I really thought it was perfect and I still consider him my best friend despite what happened. But I know he's not my best  friend and I'm not his. I also know he doesn't love me even though he told me he does because if he truly loved me and was truly my best friend he wouldn't have done this to me. This isn't something you do to your friends and the person you love.

And I'm not going to lie I am sad, really sad. I really thought I had found my soulmate.

But I can't be sad forever. I need to take it upon me to love myself and realize that I am worth so much more. I need to look around and see that although i don't have a romantic love, I am surrounded by it. I have my family that loves me, my friends and guys at work that care about me and want me to succeed. I just need to start looking at the positive aspects of life because I deserve so much better.  I deserve to be with someone who will love me unconditionally. And I hope one day I can love someone and be loved in return.

But for now I need to live my life and be happy. Yes I am going to be sad for a while but time heals all wounds. I should walk with all the confidence in the world because I am great in my own way. And if my ex-boyfriend didn't see and appreciate it then it's his loss not mine.

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