Yesterday was actually easier than I expected it would be. Since I've been back in Irvine, I've been given the chance to spend time with my really good friend Gaby, who I haven't really seen in two months. As we spent our day together, I made a conscious effort to not complain for the whole day.

I'm actually in the process of moving permanently back home. As I'm packing up all my stuff from my college apartment, I'm also trying to get rid of furniture I don't need anymore, so I put them up for sale on Facebook. One girl wanted to buy my mattress for $20; I immediately refused and complained. When I did so, I realized what I was feeling. A lot of the time when we feel things we don't process what's going on and continue acting that way. It was a strange feeling for me to analyze my thoughts and actions. I knew I couldn't complain, so instead of making a big deal all I said was no. It's so easy for us as humans to complain without giving it much though and not really make an effort to stop.

As the rest of my day went, I kept repeating to myself, "no-complaint day." It got easier. I accompanied Gaby to go see an apartment she might be moving in. After that we went to Cauldron Ice Cream and tried their famous puffle waffle. The ice cream was good. I got cereal and milk which had frosted flakes on top, but the puffle was really filling and I got a food coma. I don't think I would ever go back just because it was a bit expensive. With the thought of going out and not spending much money, we went to the $2 movie theatre and saw Terminator Genisys. I've never seen a terminator movie, so I highly enjoyed it.

I ended up not complaining for the majority of the day. I think it really has to do with surrounding yourself with good company and doing fun things.

About a couple months ago I wrote a post called: Why I'm Single and I basically gave a list of the reasons as to why I've chosen to stay single. When I wrote that post I didn't lie, but for the past year and a half I was seeing someone. However, I recently went through a break up and breakups are the worst thing in the world. You're sad, you cry, and you feel hopeless, or at least that's how I felt. I felt really hurt and that's why I included that quote from Ernest Hemingway and decided to write about it.

It was very hard for me because I was emotionally attached to this person for a long time and all of a sudden it was over. I knew I was never going to speak or see this person every again. Even though we weren't together for a long time, we had been friends for four years and he was one of the first friends I met at UCI. Losing someone is hard because it doesn't happen every day. I think that's what made me really sad, knowing that I would never see someone that was a part in my life for a long time.

Yesterday I was really sad, but I have amazing friends who helped me feel better and told me exactly what I needed to hear. Once I started feeling better and stopped crying, there were so many other things that were running through my mind such as: what am I going to do now, am I ready to date again, am I ready for a relationship? To be honest I don't really know, but instead of asking myself these questions, perhaps I should focus on myself.

Right now, I really need to find a job, start my career, and my life. This is now the perfect time to work on myself and get my life together, but just because I'm doing that doesn't mean I'm not open to dating. If I meet someone amazing I'm not going to limit myself. I can't control what happens, I just need to live in the moment and be honest with myself. Dating isn't the priority, but if that ends up happening then it's fine.

I don't know what's going to happen, but I have to give myself my best chance.

This is late, but I had a pretty emotional day yesterday that I will explain in the following post. Even thought I didn't post this yesterday, I still decluttered my digital life.

I knew that deleting things on my computer would take forever, so I started with my phone first. I deleted a lot of screen shots taken, old selfies that really had no sentimental value to me whatsoever. There weren't many of them, but as people I feel we hold onto things because at one point they meant something to us. We hold onto things that have value, but as we live we change and somethings stop becoming meaningful. We should have things around us that are valuable, so some old photos had to go.

I then went onto my computer. It wasn't because I had a lot of valuable things on my computer that I didn't feel like cleaning this out first, it's actually the opposite. I knew that I had a lot of old files on my computer from years ago that I just never bothered to trash. When I went into my downloads folder, I found old essay and test guidelines, study guides, old leasing papers, and peer review essay from people I forgot existed. I just thought to myself, "why do I still have this?" I then went into my documents and organized the school work I had into their respected folders. I ended up deleting a lot of pdfs that I had used on research papers that I knew I would never open again. When I finished, everything on my laptop was a lot more organized.

Cleaning out my laptop was never a priority, honestly it was never a thought that I should do. I'm actually glad this challenge forced me to do this. My downloads file was filled with junk and now it's completely empty. My computer is really slow, so now I hope it can run a little faster with the free space I created. I think when I use my laptop from now on I'll feel more efficient.

About a couple months ago, I was reading How to Make Magic With Gaia by Francesca Howell and in one of the chapters it talked about meditation. I was very intrigued and wanted to try it, but at the time I was really busy with school and eventually I just forgot about it. So for day two, I was actually really happy and excited about this one because I've always wanted to try meditation. Now I had an excuse to do it.

Since I've never done it before, I didn't really know what to do. I remembered on one of Ella Grace Denton's Instagram post she mentioned she downloaded the app Headspace to start her 30 days of meditation. I'm the kind of person who tries things based on peoples recommendations. I downloaded the app and it gave me 10 free days. Although the challenge was to meditate for 15 minutes, I actually did 10 because that's how long each session is.

At 2:30 P.M., I sat upright in my chair, faced the window in my room, and pressed play. Immediately Andy's voice was so soothing and reassuring that I felt he personally understood what I was feeling. I began with my eyes open, focusing, and becoming aware of the space around me. After, I closed my eyes and started to become aware of my breath. Even though I've never meditated before, I felt pretty comfortable at this point. I have been doing yoga for a year and know breathing practices such as ujjayi breath, so the breathing aspect felt quite natural.

I then started to become aware of how my body was feeling. My shoulders and back hurt because I had been at my desk all day, but my fingertips and toes felt light. When Andy told me to count my breaths, at one point I felt weightless as if I was floating. I have never felt anything like it before. When my mind started to wonder off, somehow Andy read it and said that was natural. He really does talk to you every step of the way. At the end of the session, I opened my eyes, saw my cat, and felt calm, relaxed, and connected with myself.

Even though it was only 10 minutes, I felt completely amazing after my meditation session. Sometimes were too busy with our every day lives that we don't think or become aware of how our body feels or moves. I think I'm going to continue with my 10 days and hopefully start meditating every single day.

Yesterday I spent a whole 24 hours offline. I didn't go on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and Youtube, which I go on every single day. To be honest I thought the day was going to be very difficult. I'm always on my phone and I constantly have the urge to check my screen and see if anyone sent me anything, so being completely offline actually gave me anxiety. Through out the day I kept asking myself, "what if?" What if so and so messaged me, what if I got a snapchat. Before going offline I didn't realize how dependent I was of my phone and how I constantly needed to have my phone on me. Now, I realized being online is just a distraction from what I really need to do.

My day wasn't entirely exciting. I spent the whole day at home. I usually wake up and I check my social media accounts, but instead I woke up and went outside and cuddled with my cat. Since I've moved back home I've become very lazy and have neglected to actually play with her. So to be outside and have her want my attention and feel her soft fur nuzzle against my legs actually felt really nice. It's a far better way to start my day than to see other people's lives through a screen.

I ended up watching the Fellowship of the Ring extended edition with my mom. I haven't seen the Lord of the Rings in such a long time, even though I absolutely love it and has inspired a lot of my life, like the title of this blog. Instead of reading or seeing things I already love, I would usually try to occupy my time trying to distract myself with Youtube videos or my Facebook newsfeed. I did it so much that it became a routine. Throughout the movie I did have the need to check my phone, but I didn't and I'm glad. It's nice that being offline allowed me to reconnect with something that I really love. Also, even though me and my mom were just sitting there not talking to each other, it felt good just being with her. My strongest love language is quality time. I feel very loved when people I care about want to spend time with me. Once I start working, I won't have the free time to actually spend with my mom. I should take advantage of the time I have now to spend it with the people I love instead of my phone.

After, I ended up reading three chapters of A Dance With Dragons. Before I was bitching about the book because it's so long and nothing happens. I love the show, but this book is just a drag. When I was reading this time, I actually liked it. I get distracted really easily, so when I read I usually think of something else and end up checking my phone. I don't give the book the attention it deserves, so I end up not liking it. I love to read, but at the moment haven't been able to enjoy it. When I didn't go on my phone, it forced me to actually pay attention and really get into the story and enjoy my hobby.

Even though it wasn't much, this experience has made me realize that at some point I stopped being human. I stopped longing for contact with other living beings and began to feel content with people's online presence instead of their physical one. The sad things is, I'm not the only one that does this. As humans we've stopped talking and connecting with each other and instead stare at a screen. I don't want that. I want to be a human. I want to live my life and not feel anxious because I don't have my phone on me. I don't need to constantly check my phone and I think from now I won't. I want to live a life talking, hugging, engaging, and connecting with others.

As a recent college graduate, I feel like I'm in a rut. When I was in school I couldn't wait to graduate and have no school work, but now I just feel bored. I don't have a job yet and social media isn't grabbing my attention anymore. At school, I was always busy with class, work, internship, and my social life that I rarely had any time for myself where I could do the things I wanted to do like read for fun, go to the beach, or for a walk. I even neglected my blog and stopped writing for fun and only for class. But now that I literally have no one telling me what to do, I find myself not telling myself to do the things I've wanted to do and taking advantage of all this free time.

So when I stumbled upon this 30 day challenge, I thought why not. Since tomorrow is the first day of September, this seems like the perfect thing for me to have something to do and start writing again. At this moment, I need to reevaluate my life, find out what I really want, and discover new things about myself. I hope by the end of this challenge I'll live a more minimalist life and create the daily routine I need to create the momentum to start my life. I hope that my results might inspire others to live a minimalist life as well and perhaps get inspired.